The Nicholson Family

clarity finds itself

Before I came to Israel, I was a bit nervous especially about the people I was about to meet. If you’re in a program with a group of people you cannot connect with, it severely affects your experience. I wrote a journal entry in the airport before my flight, I assuaged my fears with the sentence, “clarity finds itself.” Where ever you go in the world, you are bound to attract to a soul similar to yours; one that will open you to new wonders of life and help you learn and grow.

I arrived in Israel a bit off balance after my long journey. I was actually buggin out before I left because my straightener broke; I was hoping that someone in my program would have one she would share. The second I walked into my room, I spotted a red straightener on the edge of my bed! It was my roommate’s; it was a sign! She wasn’t there, so I tried to get a feel for who she was by checking out the clothes that were spilling out of her suitcase. I saw a “Penn State” t-shirt. First good sign. Then a “Panama t-shirt.” Interesting twist. On her dresser a pack of Marlboro Lights sat on top of her book, Me Talk Pretty One Day.

In my towel on my way to the shower, Rebecca Amar walked into the room. This girl was the cutest, funkiest, fervent person I’ve met in a while. With her cute Panamanian accent she said something I would say. There was an instant connection, I can’t even explain it. The first sentences we exchanged could have been said between life-long friends. Usually, I’m a bit uncomfortable when I meet someone new, but Rebecca and I spent time together and simply enjoyed each other’s company from the start. I’ve never felt so comfortable around someone in complete silence after the first day I met them, until her. As time went by, our friendship blossomed ten-fold. I’ve learned so much from her; I see the world differently because of her.

When we are together, it’s unreal. “Spread the joy;” if we make one person smile, our day is complete. We are both very outgoing and love to dance on the edge of conventional limits, but I’ve never met someone who pushed the envelope as far as Rebecca does. It’s quite liberating to be with her; the way we interact with people in our everyday situations is wonderful. We open our hearts and make people smile on the bus, in the shuke, in restaurants, in waiting rooms, on the street by not playing into the roles of the passenger, the customer, the patient, or the stranger. We know that little acts will change the world. We invigorate each other. Spending the day with her cleanses my soul and makes me a happier person; one who loves and lives life to the fullest.

I love you Rebecca Amar.

finding peace within

This a picture Leetal Elmaleh took of Tel Aviv Beach. On our field trips, Leetal was always exploring away from the path with her camera. She is so talented! Click on her name to check out her pictures; they are amazing!

During this experience in Israel, I've come to understand so many things. My eyes have actually opened wider.

I was contemplating many things this morning. Where ever you are in life, everything you see and can describe is "form," which this is not as important as formlessness (Tolle). Everyone has a loving, kind, happy soul inside a beautiful life that is simply seen from from the inside out. This soul is free to experience LIFE - to have fun and to feel the joy, sadness, the excitement and struggle. It's all a part of the experience. Life is SO EASY to lose. SO EASY! That's why everyday is actually a gift. Don't sink in from the "forms" of life, don't grant it that much seriousness. EVERYTHING can be seen in two ways: from the bottom up or from the top down. You don't need to analyze it. You know it already; your spirit will grow inside you and positively affect everything you do. Let life flow, let things happen. Don't resist too hard. Don't try to make things "perfect." Don't get too angry or emotionally attached to any "form." When you're in a situation and you feel like you're not sure how to react, the forms cloud your clarity, just think, "everything can be solved when the heart is open - only feelings of love and kindness will give you the answer. Don't identify with feelings opposite of that. They come from a place that is not you, that is attached to the form and will only make you more attached to the contents of life and confuse your energy. When you begin to think like this - put it away. Stand up for yourself, make your point in a forward manner, but don't associate those feelings in your response. An angry or sad
supposed response might as well be replaced with an emotional response at all.

Even if you find this diluted enlightenment, you're still human and you will come down at some point. Your mind will forget to think properly, everything will look different. Some times you can't put your finger on WHY, so you try to think of reasons why, but none fit. It's a general sharplessness. Your excitement, energy and comfort have hibernated. Your mind and eyelids actually feel heavier. You are irritated by people; it annoys you to speak nicely to others. I wouldn't classify this as depression as much as I would being human. The problem is, no one wants to live his or her life this way. Your ego takes over and you lose sight of your being (Tolle). This may be the very first stages of the fall to depression. If you allow yourself to identify with these thoughts everyday, it becomes much more difficult to get out of it. Yet it almost feels good to allow yourself to think these things. You need to acknowledge its presence and FEEL it - be sad and feel sad. The feeling will force you to understand WHY you feel this way and realize that you don't want to feel this way. Remember that everything is temporary and you will see life from the top of the mountain again.

trip to the dead sea

I went for a walk to the canyon. The moon lit the way. When we arrived, I was astonished. The canyon was huge and unreal – like something you see in the movies. I screamed into it and it echoed back 2 seconds later. The moon was beautiful as I stood on the edge of the canyon, so steep and high. But I wasn’t scared… I was one with nature. This is where we hiked the next day.

As the sun rise, we rose. We packed our backpacks with lunch and water; we started the hike a bit before 8am. I knew it was going to be intense but I had no idea what to expect. We began at the top of the canyon and hiked down. The ledges were narrow and the height at which we were walking made my legs shake. I had to keep my eyes on the path, but once I stopped to look up at where I was, everything was okay.

About an hour later, we finally made it to the bottom of the canyon into the canal. This is where the river runs in the winter. It was very dry at this point of the year, but there were pools of rain water and bacteria throughout the trek. Once we reached the canal, the trek became more difficult: fitting through tight spaces, climbing over rocks by pressing against sides of the canal. And through all this there were even bigger, unexpected challenges. The first one I remember was a ledge about 4 stories high. We had to descend backwards and use metal bars embedded into the rock to guide us down. This is where we ran into traffic. Since everyone had a break for Pesach (Passover) many families and groups came to the trek. We had to wait some time for these groups to pass through these tough spots. I was nervous, but I did it – relatively quickly. I quickly learned that the trick was to be swift; it was 75% mental: figuring out where to put your body and how to do so. Moshe was the best (with his experience from the army) so I mainly watched him. The next challenge was crazy. Now we were descending from a much higher point into a pool of bacteria-infested water (with small, worm-like off springs of flies squirming EVERYWHERE). This time only a ring was embedded into the tock. Moshe, the mountain man, took out the rope and looped it through the ring. My little experience in rock climbing helped me a lot during this process. Un-harnessed, I grabbed the rope and pushed my feet against the rock. When I scared to the bottom, I handed my bag to Yair who swam it in a flotation device to the next piece of land. I swam myself and waited for the others on the damp, cold rock. We were all trembling from the cold and yearned for the sun to enter the narrow canal. But the back-up was too long, and we realized we had to wait for the sun to come to us. Everyone was shivering and wet. I sat quietly and meditated with the birds as they soared through the thin space.

Echoes of voices speaking Hebrew filled the canal. I caught some things, but for the most part I was alone. A woman approached us at this point with a furrowed brow. She says in Hebrew, “We need to hurry up or we won’t make it out of here before dark.” Assaf laughed at her, “It’’s only 11am!” She smiled back, “You don’t know how long this trek is.” Sure enough, hour s later we were not laughing. Dirty, bruised, gashed, and wet we continued through one of the most challenging treks in Israel. No one had any idea it was going to be like this. We were all in the zone – this was too serious to play around. Scaling the canyon without ropes, harnesses, or metal bars high enough where if you fell you would die instantly became normal to expect on this trek. Of course people were afraid, but I learned so much about myself at these moments. I was so much braver than I ever thought I could be – I did not hesitate or even sweat because it would just add extra slip to my grip. Why Worry? Why get scared? You HAD to do this one way or another. There was no turning back or not alternate routes. To get out you needed to do EVERYTHING that God put in front of you. So I used my intelligence to figure out how I would get through the rough spots. I was short and small enough to holy myself up and maneuver with just my arms, I was flexible enough to reach awkward spots with my feet, I was thick enough to protect my bones when I collided into the rocky walls. I was so impressed with myself. Yes it was long, hard, and challenging but part of me couldn’t wait for the next challenge – I wanted to see what more I could do! And I did it all.

We took a break for lunch – pickled cucumbers, canned corn, tuna, chips and water. Of course, Moshe takes out his can opener the size of a quarter and opens all the cans in a matter of minutes. Then he takes 3 cans of tuna in oil and opens them. He places a small sheet of tissue on top of the tuna and lights it on fire! The entire can was BLAZING! He explains that when the oil burns out, the tuna will be cooked. Sure enough, it was the best tuna I ever ate.

11 hours later, we were still walking. My legs were beginning to give out, but I wasn’t tired. I couldn’t be beack I had NO IDEA when the trek was finally over. I led the group through the canal as the sun began to set. I started to cry; I was so overwhelmed. This experience changed my life. It opened something inside me. I turned the corner of the canal to see Jordan in the distance.

what an amazing friend.

This girl is amazing. We always reminisce about the time we met. Freshman year, I was moving in to James Madison University; my mom and brother had already met one of my suite-mates. I took one look at this tall, blonde, beauty and thought, “damn, she’s probably a bitch.” A day later I was thinking, “what a sweet-mate!” That was so corny, but to be honest we love corny. We were hooked to each other the second the silliness became natural. I just remember those nights when Jennie and I would be doing work in my room and Katharine walked in, sweats on, showered, and hopped into my bed. The night always consisted of a hilarious recap of our days, and possibly a “meditashe sesh.”

Three years later, last weekend, Katharine decided to visit me during her spring break. Since I transferred from JMU we hadn’t really spent the kind of time we wanted to spend together. I was so psyched to take her out to NYC and everything, but when it came down to it – we just wanted to sit around and talk. We sat for hours and hours, laughed and cried. I have never felt my soul so fulfilled by someone before. Katharine is my soul-mate, and honestly if she were a boy I would marry her. I think about life in such a complex way, and she completely understands me. Most people go through their whole lives without finding a friend who completes them in a way that is unexplainable. It’s a deep friendship love that is rare to find. Even though we may make each other mad sometimes or get on each other’s nerves, we can never stay mad for very long. We are sisters of the heart.

memories are beautiful

probably the best man to walk this earth

Another tribute to a good friend. Scott Miccio, a friend since Spring semester of my sophomore year at TCNJ. He was a year older, president of the boys' volleyball team. It was my first year at the college and I was the new girl on the girls' team. Always involved with his frat, I never got to know him until we all traveled to Louisville, Kentucky for club volleyball nationals! There, he gave me a talk about my mental game and we ended up coloring together. I always looked up to Scottie and wished that we would be good friends. Junior year, he was in my Public Relations class. He asked to be in my group for the project and our friendship only blossomed. I had a thing for him, but totally respected our friendship and his relationship at the time.

Spring semester of Junior year, things changed in terms of relationships and Scott and I started to see each other. It was a bit awkward at first because we were such good friends. We would watch that midget show on TLC. Things changed so much and our relationship now is one that I would never trade for anything in the world.

I cannot describe how great of a guy Scott is. If I wrote down all of the wonderful things he has done for me, you wouldn't believe it. No guys do that. But he does. The way he makes me feel is so incredible. Our friendship is unreal - I can rely on him for anything. He is always there for me. We have so much fun together and in the midst of all of the great activities we do together (Mountain Creek, pumpkin picking, beach volleyball partners, dinner dates, Atlantic city weekends, parties, late night drinks at Triumph, open bars in NYC, Dallas adventures with our teams, cozy movie afternoons, Starbucks "pick-me-ups", chillin with his frat boys, Giants games, John Mayer/Maroon5/Sarah Barelias/Coldplay concerts, mall madness (only when i'm at a level 2), fire pits in my backyard, walks around our neighborhoods, midnight drinks with my best friends on him, and so much more) we are learning so much about each other. We reach a new level every time we are together and I just love and respect him more and more each day.

Our relationship is special, no doubt, and it's sad that we are both young and are not ready to commit just yet. But as we continue on our paths through life, together and apart, his good-natured spirit will always be closest to my heart. How can I forget what an amazing person he is to me? Always there for me mentally, physically, emotionally, financially... He would do anything for me and has made that clear in so many ways. And I would for him too. I love you so much, Scottie. I am so lucky to have you in my life.